the storm of the century

Yesterday, at approximately 9:00 PM, a storm rolled into Lawrence, KS. The pastel pink sky was quickly replaced by menacing dark clouds as the wind began to pick up and the sky opened up with its torrential downpour. One eye-witness commented, "At one point, I thought I saw a cow get airborne." Tests later revealed that the eye-witness was heavily intoxicated and under the influence of several drugs. Damages from the storm are expected to be approximately in the 50 to 100 cents range depending on how many cans of pop were blown over by the wind. Casualties are expected to be in the 40 to 60 range depending on how many butterflies were unwillingly tossed into walls or car windshields by the wind. At approximately 9:30 PM, the storm rolled out of Lawrence, KS, leaving the city, once again, relatively quiet and peaceful. On a sidenote, police now have a warrant for the arrest of wind; believed to be responsible for the death of between 40 and 60 butterflies and the needless spilling of much soda pop. The suspect is to be considered armless but still dangerous. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of this individual, please notify your local authorities.